Thursday, May 22, 2008

Craving Cuteness

I am a total girly-girl and I love "trying" to be cute all the time. When I was a kid I suffered with constant in-grown toenails, in my big toes, that were very painful and unsightly. When I was twelve, I had surgery on one of my toes and afterward, I never had another in-grown toenail. However, what was left was the most hideous, gross toe I had ever seen! I was so self-conscious of it that I made sure my feet were covered up at all times. I went through all my teen years never being able to wear the cute, trendy sandals that everyone else wore. When I grew up and learned about nail salons and "getting nails" (my finger nails weren't hideous, just short) of course I started going because that was just something else to make me look cute. After a few years of that I got up the courage to ask the nail tech if it would be possible to have a fake toenail put over my disfigured one. She said, "Of course you can!" Now any of you that "get your nails did" know that it didn't sound exactly like that, but I knew by her actions that the fake toenail was a go! I could hardly sit still, mainly because I was so embarrassed by having to unveil the toe, but also because I was so excited at the prospect of finally having a decent toe that I would no longer be so ashamed of. That is exactly what I got! It worked out perfectly and I started wearing open-toed shoes right then and there. I wore the little disposable foam pedicure flops right out of the shop that day. I started out only having the toenail done in the summer time, but then I graduated to year-round, and then finally to having free-hand designs painted on my pretty big toes by the nail tech. I am still doing this today and almost never wear closed-toe shoes. Even in the winter, if it's not too, too cold, I'll opt for flip flops before oxfords. After this childhood trauma and my new-found freedom to show off the tootsies, I take the following pledge every summer. I hope you will join me this year!











The Open-Toe Shoe Pledge

Alright Ladies, it's that time of the year again. Just a friendly reminder!!

Please raise your big toes and repeat after me. . . . . .
As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.
I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go my local beauty school at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $10 and worth EVERY penny).

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear...nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.









2 comments:

Sandra said...

You crazy girl! That was so funny! You sound like my son, John. He had to have his ingrown toenails cut out too and he always complains of how ugly his toes are now! Ain't nobody going to see my ugly feet!!! I got me one of those Eggs that they advertise on TV -- works pretty good on the heels.

By the way, Amy made it to Rome! BUT they were beat! Can't wait to hear from her!!! Love you girl,
Sandra :)

Amy said...

You have me laughing again!
I am going back through the posts that I missed while I was gone.
This entire post is hysterical!

I especially loved this part of the pledge.

"I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle."

Thank you for making me giggle.
God Bless,
Amy:)