Thursday, June 12, 2008

Losin' It ~

Well, friends, I think the time has come for me to get serious about losing weight. This morning, while I was having my powdered donettes and orange Fanta for breakfast, I looked down and noticed that one of my feet and the adjoining ankle was swollen. This has been a recurring problem for several months now and I just don’t know why. There is no pain, just a balloon-like lower extremity for no apparent reason. Even though I am a weight-challenged individual, I’ve always had slim feet and decent ankles, so this one fat foot is pretty noticeable. I’m not going to seek medical attention because I’m sure the doc will say it has something to do with my weight. Everything else does. I absolutely hate being fat and I want to be slim so badly, but I just cannot make myself push that plate away – or in my case, pass up the drive-thru. I am so tired of hearing about diets and losing weight. I had decided I didn’t care and I was going to embrace my queenly size, consider myself a big, beautiful woman and love me. I joked that I’d just get a tan because fat looks better tan (it really does). Every magazine I see in the racks has something about losing weight on the cover, and every time I sit down to eat my “2 Cheeseburger Meal Deal” from McDonalds and watch TV, the Nutri-System commercial with that obnoxious blonde in her purple pajama top, catching the football comes on – uuuggghhhhh!! I hate her. Anyhoo, I guess I’m angry because I have to be fat. Why do I live to eat instead of eat to live? When I was a child, I was very thin until I had my tonsils out at 8 years old. At that point, I started putting on weight and have been putting every since. Oh, what did they do with those tonsils?? I'd gladly put them back! One of my friends lovingly tells me that I just inherited the “fat gene” from somewhere in my family. No one else in my family is fat. If a family member decides they need to lose a few pounds, they just do it. Not me . . . I’ve taken every diet pill out there, I’ve been on Nutri-System (many years ago before that blonde was even born probably), I’ve joined fitness centers, I’ve done it all and spent lots of money trying to reduce. One time in my life, shortly after high school, I started taking prescription diet pills (Fastin) and in a year’s time, I had lost about 55 pounds and I looked great. I promised myself I’d never be big again. Also, the girl who never had a date in high-school managed to snag a man and marry him after I got skinny. It was total bliss being thin. That lasted about 5 years and the weight slowly started coming back. After I had my son, even more came back, and at lightspeed. Now, I’m about to turn 42 next month, and I seem to be growing by leaps and bounds – I have a built-in barrel now above my waist! Now, with this blown up foot, and recurring back trouble, and all the other discomforts that start in the 40’s, I guess I need to suck it up and call Jenny. I really love being in my 40’s but I don’t really want to be in my 50’s while I’m still in my 40’s. Wish me luck.


Mia said...

Oh Denise, I could have written this post word for word : ( With the exception of me being 43 almost 44 YIKES!!!
My Mom used to say "oh Mia was never fat until the 3rd grade" Like I had lived a whole lifetime of skinny at 8 years old. 3 years ago I lost 85lbs. only to gain almost ALL of it back. I have been on this "Gotta lose weight/Gotta accept my fat" roller coaster for many years. I encourage you knowing its exactly what I need to do....but I just don't know how to do it and make it stick!!

Amy said...

I know exactly how you feel...And I hate that commercial where the girl says I used to be a size 10 and now I'm a size 2! That one makes me furious, as if a size 10 is FAT! All television commercials and programs and magazines focus on being a size 0, and it is such a false reality.
I agree with you about a tan....A tan makes my wobbly bits (Bridget Jones term) look less wobbly.:)
And I'm not sure which "girl" your talking about, but the one that they show that loves football that lost 40 pounds....they leave out that she was pregnant is why she had 40 pounds to lose.....It makes me mad!
Sending some encouragement your way, my friend!
God Bless,
Amy:) said...

Girl, I know what you mean about losing weight!! It's hard as heck the older you get! When I had John 26 years ago, I squaredanced until I was 8 months pregnant! After I had him, continuing dancing, I lost 60 lbs and kept it off the 5 years we were dancing because it was just great exercise. And then it was down hill from there! You really do need to get the swelling issue checked because it could relate to your blood pressure - I was doing the same thing - the dr. put me on BP medicine but it did not act like a "water pill." everybody told me I would trot to the potty all day but I don't - I guess if I did, at least some water might go away! :)
Hang in there - you are beautiful inside and out and I love you, my dear friend!!! :)