Cry Baby

I'm on a crying jag today. There is nothing wrong with me or upsetting me; I'm just easily moved to tears - today more than usual. Every blog I have read this morning, except Amy's (in my life) has made me cry. Not sad tears, but moving, happy tears. I'm very sensitive anyway and will usually cry at the drop of a hat, over what would seem like nothing to most. I watched Sling Blade last weekend with my son, and I cried - it was Sling Blade! If you don't know, it does have some pretty touching scenes between Carl (the murderer just released from a mental hospital) and Frank (the 12-year-old boy who befriended Carl and thinks he's a good person no matter what). I always cry in sad movies, in fact, I can never, ever watch Ghost or Message In a Bottle again because those 2 movies deeply sadden me and actually hurt my heart so much, I cannot bear to watch them. Not to mention, The Notebook. I bought that movie and have only been able to watch it once so far because I cried so much throughout the movie, I wouldn't be able stock up enough on Kleenex.Some music also moves me to tears. I really love music but only learned how emotional it can be for me several years ago when I had the pleasure of attending a concert that was put on by the Memphis Symphony Orchestra, which was honoring the composer of marching band music, John Phillip Sousa. I know it sounds boring and you may wonder, "who in their right mind besides military personnel, would enjoy this?" Well I did. The music was so beautiful it really made me cry. Another piece of music that makes me cry is the song, My Prayer, by Josh Groban and Charlotte Church, usually heard at Christmastime. Talk about moving to tears. Their voices are so beautiful alone, but when they blend them and with the music to back them up . . . . you just gotta hear it to understand.

I learned many years ago that my spiritual gift from God is Mercy. I feel very deeply for those who are hurting, whether it be physical, spiritual, or emotional. It is nothing for me to bust out crying at work (because I am so professional). Someone in my department just lost his father last week, and I was so sad and hurt for him that every time someone mentioned it I cried. I was unable to attend the funeral, but a couple of the others in our group went and told me about it. All I could do was listen and cry. Before the father passed away, he was very sick with cancer and it came on and wiped him out faster than I've heard of in a while - 2 months from the day of diagnosis. Anyway, when I would ask my co-worker about his sick father (which was not often because I know how I am) I would just cry during the whole conversation because I was so upset and hurt for him and his family, and the sick father who had been so active in his life and was suddenly and oh so quickly reduced to his bed or a chair. I felt so bad for crying because I was afraid it was upsetting him more but I couldn't help myself.

I really have a very strong, and maybe to some, weird, sensitivity to animals. Even spiders (not really animals, I know), which I am deathly afraid of and am instantly temporarily paralyzed at the sight of, have a needle's eye-sized place in my heart so that I really hate to kill them. However, I feel it is kill or be killed in these cases so they are usually gonners unless they run while I'm paralyzed and then I've lost them until the show back up later with all their friends and family. I'm digressing but it does kinda pertain to the story. Everyone has laughed at me because of my recent week-long stint as a Vegetarian. Several months ago, there was story that broke on the news about a beef recall (you will probably remember this) and footage was shown of a slaughter house facility where there were all these sick and crippled cows trying to walk and move but due to their sicknesses they couldn't, so they were being shoved by bulldozers and also were being prodded in the eyes and face by workers, with some kind of long rods. Well, this came on before I could change the channel and I was absolutely horrified and I cried, no, sobbed while I watched this. My son was with me and he didn't cry to my surprise because he is also very sensitive, but he was pretty upset. At this point, I declared myself a Vegetarian. Not because I have a problem eating meat, but because I was so shocked and upset by the cruelty inflicted on these pitiful animals who were already doomed to be on someone's grill soon. If anyone knows for sure, please tell me that this is an isolated incident and this really doesn't happen. Well, the Vegetarianism lasted a whole week until I went to Maman'nem's on a Sunday and they had made a roast. I tried to ignore the roast and concentrate on the mashed potatoes, bread, and green beans, but the family taunted me with the meat until I gave in. Then Patrick, my step-dad, did try to make me feel better. He said I could view this as a mourning period I had been through for those mistreated cows. That sounded pretty good and I ate roast. Still, I was a freak about these cows for a while. That is all I thought about and talked about.
I guess I may as well tell you the rest of the story . . . when I was a child, I would apologize to, and actually feel bad for all the things in the store that we were not buying that day. My mother will attest to this. If I got a new outfit or toy - oh, especially if it was a stuffed animal or resembled an animal, I would take a ridiculous amount of time choosing the one I wanted and then apologize to everything else because I couldn't take it home too. I know, I have been weird my whole life! And . . . chocolate Easter bunnies (Peeps too) . . .well, I just cannot eat them at all now, but when I was little, I would eat them because they were candy and I was a kid, but I'd start at the feet and cry and apologize all the way up. Wow! Actually reading this to myself is revealing to me for the first time just how totally weird I really am. Why do I tell people this stuff about myself? Some things should probably be left in the closet . . . . oh, well - now, you know. Besides, the one's who would make fun of me don't read my blog anyway.

All of this really does tie in to the fact that I am super sensitive and am an easy cry. The blogs I read that made me cry today were all sweet and touching about babies, children, etc. and I was just touched. However, I feel like it will be very easy for me to cry about anything else that comes my way today.

If you are ever sad and need someone to just listen and cry with you. I'm the one you need to contact.

"Crying"

by Galway Kinnell

Crying only a little bit is no use.

You must cry until your pillow is soaked!

Then you can get up and laugh.

Then you can jump in the shower and splash, splash, splash!

Then you can throw open your window and, "Ha ha! ha ha!"
And if people say, "Hey, what's going on up there?"

"Ha ha!" sing back,

"Happiness was hiding in the last tear! I wept it! Ha ha!"